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Except I knew that was a ‘What if?’ that wasn’t quite so predictable.But what was it about Kimmy that was so special beyond that similarity? She was cute, but I had access to all manner of cute girls. She was sweet, but so were the girls I usually chose for sex partners, including Jacquelyn and Hope. She wanted to please me, but then again, so did Kara, Elyse, Leila, and other girls that were available to me. She made no demands, but if I was honest, neither did Kara or Elyse. Jessica had, but I’d never felt she was controlling. So what was it?I pulled into the parking lot at Belarus with that question still swirling around in my head with no answer. I wondered if I’d ever have an answer to that question. I wasn’t sure that it mattered, really, because she was, in effect, a mistress. That thought made me chuckle since I remembered Connie offering me exactly that. I could have her sexy body, and a mistress as well, so long as I gave her children and helped her take over Don Joseph’s. "Yeah, I guess I am," I replied."How can you be that scared to have what you've basically alwayswanted?" She had a point. I've known, in some fashion, since I was ateenager. It started off when I saw some gender bender movie. Theconcept touched something deep in me, and I found myself thinking aboutit more and more with each passing day. And I found, eventually, thatit stayed with me so much because it's what I wanted for myself. Iwanted to be a woman. It satisfied a deep psychological need, and italso sexually aroused me. I figured out that not only was I female inmy core, but I had a transformation fantasy as well. Kiki called it atwo-fer. I was a woman, but I also found sexual desire in the act of mybody changing from the male to the female. I later found writings thatsuggested that this was how I helped satisfy my "inner girl," since Ihad chosen to forego transition.I accepted who I was, but at the same time, my male body posed achallenge. As I mentioned, I'm no.
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